The past few months of moving and trying to find a job have tested my patience, faith, and self-confidence. You see, I’m not good with uncertainty. I hate not knowing what’s going to happen next. I’m a producer, not just by trade, but also by nature. I plan, schedule, execute and deliver. Funny thing is, the older I get, the more I realize I’m not in control. Life doesn’t work that way. You can plan all you want, but in the end, chances are the universe will throw a wrench in your plans somewhere along the line. And that scares the-you -know -what out of me. But instead of fighting it, I’m learning how to surrender to the unknown and sit with uncertainty.
Last week, in the midst of all my self-created drama about my new freelance job and what will I do when it ends, I received some terrible news. A friend of mine was dying of cancer. How could that be? He is too young. I just spoke to him a few months ago, and he seemed fine. Now, he is in a medically induced coma, as doctors blast his body with chemo in an attempt to save his life. Six months ago, he was worried about making his deadlines and planning his next vacation. And now, each day, he simply struggles to breathe. To breathe. And his family sits with the uncertainty of whether he will survive another day.
Knowing that, really hit home. Whatever we face in our lives, no matter how hard we try to establish stability, it can change at any moment. There is really nothing we can do about it. We get old, we get sick, we get laid off, and we lose loved ones. We “sit with uncertainty” every day, whether we realize or not. No matter how hard we want things to remain the same, they will eventually change. That much I know for sure. All we can really do is hold on for the ride and surrender to the unknown.
The other thing I know for sure is that we will all die. Sounds silly to say that, cause we all know it’s true, yet we spend our lives trying to avoid it. As we get older, however, the frailty of life becomes more real. Time slips by, things change, and suddenly obsessing about the past or worrying about the future doesn’t seem to matter so much. Life is now. Right now. And if we don’t grab it and enjoy it to the fullest, it will be over. That’s why it’s so important to live in the present. There is nothing uncertain about the present moment.
