Sunday, October 16, 2011

Compassion Starts With Yourself

“Remember, listen to your body and don’t push yourself past your limits,” I say to my students before every yoga class. Boy, am I a hypocrite.  I don’t always practice what I preach, and I have endured two yoga-related injuries to prove it. The truth is, I push myself past my limits all the time --- in yoga class, at work, and in life in general. So how can I teach my students to be more compassionate when I don’t practice it myself?

“Ahimsa”, or nonviolence, is one of the core principles of yoga philosophy. It means not just practicing nonviolence towards others, but most importantly, practicing it toward yourself. This is not an easy practice, especially for women.

We are natural nurturers, but too often, we neglect nurturing ourselves.  I hear stories from women all the time about how tired they are and how stressed out they feel. They’re giving so much of themselves to their jobs, their families and friends that their own needs come last.  Usually when this happens, we end up lashing out in frustration or anger.  When I’m really stressed and tired, I'm horrified by how badly I can treat others --- whether it’s the stranger in line at Whole Foods who I’m muttering at to hurry up or my mother who I yell at when she tells me that I’m doing too much. Sound familiar? We all have our moments.

Whenever we treat others badly, it’s a sign we’re treating ourselves badly. It’s the “mirror effect.” If you're critical and impatient with yourself, you will be critical and impatient with others. But if you are light-hearted and forgiving of yourself, others will feel your joy and want to be around you.

In the end, our inner character determines our ability to be at peace with ourselves and with the rest of the world.  So how can we practice more loving kindness towards others and ourselves? Here are five simple steps to bring more peace and compassion into your life:

Find Balance

Stop trying to commit to everything all at once. Prioritize what matters to you most, whether it’s spending time with your children, going to the gym or finishing an important project. Our society values multitasking, but in the end, doing too-many things not only depletes our energy, but also kills our brain cells. So learn to slow down, focus and appreciate doing one thing at a time.

Tune In

Next time you are walking down the street, put the Blackberry away and take a look around you. Notice the trees, the color of the sky.  Take a few deep breaths. Engage in the present moment. Better yet, start your day with five minutes of meditation and just observe your breath. By stealing these little moments each day, you learn to reconnect with yourself and enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

Pamper Yourself

Each day, do something to nurture yourself --- buy flowers, take time for a walk, enjoy a cup of coffee or tea while looking out the window, read one of your favorite books, schedule a massage, go to yoga class. It doesn’t have to be a big deal or take a lot of time. Just acknowledge yourself and that you matter.

Connect with Others

Once a day, smile at a stranger. Trust me, it works. I have smiled at more people on the subway in NYC, and when they return my smile, it lifts my day. So connect with someone you don’t know, whether it’s giving money or food to someone who is a homeless, holding the door open for the person behind you, or helping a mother carry her baby stroller down the stairs. When we take time to reach out to others, we see ourselves in them and realize we are all truly connected.
  
Express Gratitude

Start a gratitude journal and write down each week what you appreciate about yourself and your life. Be generous and don’t hold back. We are so conditioned to listen to that critical voice inside our head, but there is another voice, a much deeper one that tells us we are fine just the way we are. By journaling, you take the time to honor your inner voice and let it replace the negative one.

No comments:

Post a Comment