Sunday, October 30, 2011

Facing Fear



I love Halloween. No, not because of all the candy, though I do indulge in that. And not because of the costumes, even though the kids look really cute. I love Halloween because all my favorite scary movies are on TV. “The Shining”, “Friday the 13th”, “The Exorcist”…you name it, I watch it. Never mind that I can’t sleep afterwards, I just love to be frightened and have ever since I was a little kid. Of course, I know those movies aren’t real, so after Halloween I forget about them. But facing fear in my daily life is something I struggle with all the time, and it’s not so easy to get over.

Lately, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with a weird feeling in my stomach. It’s my old friend fear. Suddenly I’m gripped with the fear of moving, starting over, finding a new job, and the ultimate fear that I may be making a big mistake. But when I calm down long enough to analyze what I’m really scared of, I realize it’s all in my mind. I’m not in any real danger. I’m simply facing the fear of uncertainty, which for a control freak like me, can be pretty darn scary.

The irony is that the only time I faced real danger, I didn’t panic. It was Thanksgiving morning and I was flying to Washington, DC to be with my family when our plane hit a bad storm. As we were ascending up into the clouds, the sky suddenly turned an eerie purple. Then the plane started to shake violently. Suddenly the plane seemed to drop out from under us and go into steep dive. People started screaming, and the woman next to me threw up. I looked out the window and thought, “This is it. This is how it all ends.” And yet, strangely enough, I became very calm. It was the only time in my life so far that I have faced the fear of death. Not to mention the first Thanksgiving that I truly felt thankful.

In yoga, we learn to face our fears on many levels --- physically, mentally and emotionally. When we face a challenging new pose or have to sit in meditation for a long time, it challenges our zone of safety and comfort. I used to have a fear of headstands. The thought of turning myself upside down was terrifying. But when I actually did it, and fell over a couple times, I realized there was nothing to be afraid of. Now I love doing headstands and enjoy seeing the world from a different perspective.

There is a healthy level of fear we all need. Remember the tiger in the bathroom scene in “The Hangover”? Well, that’s the good fear we want for basic survival. But most of the time, our fears aren’t necessary, yet we allow them to rule our lives. As a result, fear can trap us, make us doubt ourselves, and hold us back from experiencing new things in life. After all, most of our fears are about the future, which we can’t really control and hasn’t even arrived, yet. We fear everything from death to aging to poverty to losing our job or someone we love.

The truth is that we can’t avoid uncertainty in life. That’s part of the adventure and what makes us stronger. But we can calm the shakiness of fear by staying present and relating to life directly. Maybe that’s why I felt so calm on that plane. There was nowhere to go. Amidst all the chaos, it was just fear and I together in that present moment. And when I faced it, I wasn’t so scared anymore.

So as we celebrate Halloween tonight, think about what scares you. Even write it down. Notice how you feel when you think about it. How do you react when you feel fear? And what do you do to avoid it?  I have experienced panic attacks several times in my life. Seeing someone in severe pain usually triggers it. Instead of facing my own fear of pain, I try to escape. And if I can’t escape, I hyperventilate to the point of literally passing out. How’s that for avoidance?

Getting to know our fears, and not running away from them, is the first step to awakening and realizing our full potential.  It’s not easy, but what’s the alternative? Living your life paralyzed by fear and regret? Next time you face fear, try these simple tips to help you push through it and become more fearless:

Stay Present and Open

Don’t run. Don’t hide. Turn and face fear head on. Next time you feel anxious about something, ask yourself, “What is this?” Stay present with what you are feeling and be open and receptive to what your inner voice is telling you. Ask yourself, “Am I in any immediate danger?” “What is the worst thing that could happen?” When you take time to really embrace your fears, you realize, most times, that you fears aren’t real. Then you can put them in proper perspective and get on with your life.

Know You’re Not Alone

Whenever I feel fear, I remember that I’m not alone. There are other people out there who feel the same way I do. That’s why it helps to share how you feel with someone. By reaching out to others, you realize that you are not alone and your fears aren’t unique. Realizing our interconnectedness gives us courage to face our fears, knowing if others can push past them, so can we.

Just Breathe

It’s the most simple, yet powerful weapon against fear. Whenever I feel upset or anxious, I stop everything, lie down and place one hand on my belly and another hand on my heart. And then I just breathe. It returns me to the present moment and reminds me I am still here and still breathing. Slowly, my mind calms down, my body relaxes, and my fear subsides.
















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