Cultivating Contentment

As I spend my last week packing up my apartment, I’m struck by how much stuff I have. Clothes, books, jewelry, gadgets, CDs, DVDs --- a history of almost 18 years in NYC spent buying things. And that’s even after I started to simplify my life. If there is one thing that I will always identify with NYC, it’s shopping. I feel like besides working, all I did was shop!

Even after all these years practicing yoga and mediation, I still crave things. I fool myself into thinking that I’m completely content, only to have the strings of desire tug at me once again. So how can we cultivate contentment when we are conditioned to believe that our happiness and success depend on having more, more, and more?

In yoga philosophy, one of the ethical principles of how we relate to ourselves is “santosha” or contentment.  Contentment does not mean passive acceptance or surrender. It means actively engaging in the present and enjoying life as is, as opposed to what you wish it was. Swami Rama of the Himalayan Institute once said, “Contentment is falling in love with your life.” How many people do you know, yourself included, who feel that way?

Most of us live our lives discontent and constantly seeking something to fulfill us. We play the “what if” game. If I only I was married, had a new job, got a promotion, was thinner, bought a bigger house, had new pair of shoes, met my soul mate (the list goes on), then I would be happy. Instead of feeling gratitude for what we have, which is a lot, we obsess over what we don’t.

When I first moved to New York City, I became a shopaholic. I was obsessed with accumulating a closet-full of designer shoes. Never mind that I hardly ever wore them, I just felt better about myself when I had them. Of course, that feeling was temporary. All that shopping did was create an endless vacuum of craving, not to mention deplete my bank account. All those shoes didn’t make me happy. They just left me disappointed that I didn’t have more. Oscar Wilde once said that the only thing worse than not getting what you want, is getting what you want.

By the way, only when I became a vegan did I stop buying all those expensive shoes --- wearing no leather means you usually buy your shoes at Target or Payless. Anyway, as I began to re-examine what I was consuming --- everything from food to clothing to media --- I realized that my longings were unhealthy and making me suffer. I knew I needed to change my life.

I started by going on a shopping fast. No new shoes or clothes for one month. I gave away all my designer shoes. I paired down my wardrobe to just the basics. I cleared my apartment of clutter and all those toxic chemicals under my sink. I became a vegan and started cooking more at home. I threw out my TV, all my fashion magazines and catalogs. I started a gratitude journal. I began volunteering every week. And I started to save more money. My friends and family thought that was a little extreme to renounce all those things. But you know what? By simplifying my life, a funny thing happened. I became more joyful. I was amazed at how fulfilled I felt with less.

It wasn’t easy, but spending less energy on the outside and more on the inside, made me realize I had everything I needed. Contentment slowly began to seep into my life.  My cravings started to subside.

That’s not to say I don’t still have desires. I do, but I’m not so attached to them anymore. I can walk away and not feel distressed. When I see something I want to buy, I wait a few days now to see how I feel. Usually I have forgotten about it, but if I still am thinking about how nice it would be to have that dress or new coffee maker, I’ll buy it. I don’t deny myself. I'm just better able to put my cravings into perspective, instead of allowing them to rule my life.

So as I finish packing this week, I’m grateful for how much I have, knowing how truly little I need.  This week, see if you can cultivate more contentment by “falling in love with you life”. Start by practicing these three simple exercises:

-       Start a gratitude journal, and each day; write down three things you are grateful for in your life.

-       Don’t buy anything you don’t absolutely need, i.e. food and medicine, and throw away things you don’t use. Discriminate between your needs and wants.

-       When cravings arise, pause and notice how you feel. What sensations arise in your body? What happens in your mind? Then, take a few deep breaths and bring yourself back to the present moment, as if this is all there is.